


this is me.

by bigbadlesbo



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: F/M, everything is the same except phil is trans, trans phillip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 18:35:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13464135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigbadlesbo/pseuds/bigbadlesbo
Summary: a small little thing i wrote literally in 30 minutes bc i wanted trans phil !





	this is me.

**Author's Note:**

> literally just a short/simple retelling of the greatest showman but phil is trans

“You...” a voice says. “Ms. Carlyle? Daughter of the Carlyle’s?”

Phil feels himself tense. He hadn’t expected anyone to recognize him here. He turns slowly, lips quivering with fear at his dead name, and is met with someone he does not recognize. It's an older man who knows his name. His old name.

“My name,” he drags, “Is Phineas Barnum. Care for a drink, Ms. Carlyle?” 

As much as Phil wants to deny, he’s practically dragged away by this older man into the bar. 

“My name,” Phil interjects, “is Phillip Carlyle. Phil for short, Mr. Barnum.” He tries to sound confident, tries to hide the fear in his heart. 

“I have an offer you can’t refuse, Phillip.” Mr. Barnum says with no hesitation, no skipping a beat. “I want you to join my circus.”

“What?” he scoffs, assuming Mr. Barnum knows what Phil is, “So people can laugh at me? The girl who wants to be a man?” 

“You misunderstand, Mr. Carlyle. I’ve heard of your family. Your plays, the shows you produce. I want you to work alongside me. An apprentice, if you will. I may not understand your mind, but if you would like to be referred to as a man, I will respect it.” 

It takes another few drinks, but Phil accepts. 

The clothes around his breasts hurt and it hurts even more once Phineas sizes him up for his outfit. When Phineas introduces him, he doesn’t say his dead name or refer to him as a woman, only the man Phil feels like inside. 

-

He lays eyes on Anne Wheeler for the first time and can instantly tell that there is something there. The way her eyes gazed into his for that split second as she went back down once again, the pink of the wig carefully placed on her head, he was overwhelmed with an emotion he could not recognize. 

“What’s your act, Mr. Carlyle?” she asks once they’re properly introduced. 

“I-I don’t have an act,” he stutters, trying even harder to conceal what he actually is. He can feel her eyes piercing through him, at the truth, and she wonders if she can see straight through him, see that he isn't actually a man.

“Everyone has an act.” 

He gulps, and she walks away.

“Don’t worry too much about her. She’ll warm up to you. Her and her brother, both amazing trapeze artists.” Barnum reassures, smiling fondly at Anne and her brother, who are on their way to getting dressed back into their normal clothing. 

-

The next time Phil feels something, he holds her hand in the theatre when Ms. Lind performs her opera. He reaches for her hand and she pulls back hesitant at first, but allows themselves touch. When he can feel eyes on him, he looks up, and his blood goes cold.

It’s his parents. His parents who don’t know what Phil really is. His parents, who would disown him in half of a second if they knew the truth, and to top it off, he was holding hands with Anne. 

He pulled away, and he felt Anne’s eyes on him, the betrayal she felt radiating off of herself, and he wants to cry. 

“I’m sorry, Anne,” he wants to say. He wants to tell her the truth. He shouldn’t be lying to her. He really cares for Anne, and wants her to know every part of him, but can only feel scared for the disgust she’ll feel once she knows. 

The first time Anne notices something is not right with Phillip is the night she accidentally brushes over his breast, concealed mostly by his shirt, but still there nonetheless. 

She doesn’t talk to him about it. She’s angry and furious with him for letting people judge, for knowing better and letting herself be tricked when she knew a white man (or who Phillip appears to be) could never be trusted. 

-

It isn’t until after they reconcile, Phillip explaining how much he wants Anne, wants a future, wants to love her and cherish her as much as possible, that he tells the truth. 

“I can’t keep this secret from you anymore,” and he takes her back to his room, his home, and exposes himself all at once, showing her that Phil wasn’t who he said he was. He was a fraud, a woman, and Phil is doing so much wrong he feels sick.

She kisses him, then, softly. “I don’t care what you have or what you look like. You are someone I love.” 

And Phil lets himself cry as she holds him in her arms. 

The fire burns down the circus, and Anne isn't outside with the rest of them. And Phil can’t let himself lose someone who sees him for who he is and still accepts every part of him - can't let him lose someone he loves so dearly.

He's running in without a second thought. 

He can’t find her anywhere, and the smoke fills his lungs, he tears off his part of his shirt to slow down the inhalation, but he feels himself losing consciousness.

The next time he awakens, and he doesn’t know if days or weeks pass, Anne is by his side. She cries into his chest, bound by bandages, and grabs his face in her hands and kisses him hard.

It’s the happiest he’s ever been. 

-

The rest of the circus knows his secret. Being a family of “freaks” so to speak, it isn’t really a surprise, and he’s still welcome with open arms. 

When P.T. gives him the hat, the new owner of the new circus, he’s overjoyed. He’s a man, a man in the eyes of his “mentor”, and he’s responsible enough to take care of something that means a lot to both him and Phineas. 

When the show is over, he dips Anne and kisses her in front of everyone, for the whole world to see that he isn’t ashamed to be who he is, and love who he loves.

The only thing Phil hears is applause.


End file.
